From Transactional to Transformational: Rethinking Your One-on-Ones

A guide to making your 1-1s more human, more developmental, and more impactful

It starts like this:

“My one-on-ones? Honestly… they’re just updates.” “My manager only wants to know what’s done and what’s stuck.” “We never talk about me, only about work.”

These are real sentiments, shared by coaching clients across industries and levels. And if you’re hearing that, or feeling it, there’s a bigger question at play:

Are your one-on-ones transactional or transformational?

Let’s break it down.

🤖 The Transactional Trap

A transactional one-on-one looks like this:

• You set the agenda

• You drive the conversation

• You talk status, numbers, blockers

• You leave with actions, maybe… but rarely with insight

It’s not wrong. It’s just… incomplete. You've got to go deeper to get more...

These meetings serve the machine, not the human. And over time, they drain motivation, dampen engagement, and erode trust.

Why? Because the human brain is wired for meaning.

As Dr. Lisa Feldman Barrett (neuroscientist and author of How Emotions Are Made) explains, our brains are not just prediction machines, they’re social organs, constantly seeking signals of connection, belonging, and value.

When 1-1s ignore the person and focus only on productivity, the brain senses threat, not safety.

🔁 What Does a Transformational 1-1 Look Like?

Transformational one-on-ones are still about business, but they include the whole human.

They’re grounded in:

• Curiosity over control

• Development over download

• Dialogue over direction

They’re spaces where performance and aspiration meet. Where the leader listens for the story behind the status update. And here’s the kicker: they’re not harder or longer. Just more intentional.

How to Shift from Transactional to Transformational

1. Start with Permission, Not Power

Instead of diving into your priorities, begin with:

“What would you like to focus on today?” “Anything top of mind you’d like to bring in first?”

This tiny shift signals psychological safety, and activates the prefrontal cortex, which governs reflection, creativity, and long-term thinking.

2. Balance the Agenda

Split the meeting in two:

• First half: operational topics

• Second half: career growth, wellbeing, skill development

Use a recurring structure:

“Let’s look at what’s working, what’s tricky, and what’s next, for the business and for you.”

This gives coherence and room for humanness.

3. Ask One Transformational Question

Each meeting, include a deeper prompt like:

• “What’s something you’re proud of that we haven’t talked about?”

• “What’s something you’ve been thinking about changing?”

• “Where do you feel most energized at work right now?”

These questions light up the brain’s default mode network, a system linked to introspection, imagination, and meaning-making.

4. Reflect, Don’t Just React

After sharing an update, pause and ask:

“What does that tell you about how you’re growing?” “How can I support you better with that?”

You’re not just solving, you’re mirroring their learning.

🧠 Science Says: The Brain Craves Growth

• According to Dr. Teresa Amabile’s research at Harvard, the progress principle—the sense of moving forward in meaningful work—is one of the strongest motivators at work.

• Regular check-ins that focus on both performance and potential activate intrinsic motivation.

• Transformational 1-1s help build psychological safety, shown by Google’s Project Aristotle as the #1 factor in high-performing teams.

💬 Final Thought

Every one-on-one is a chance to improve:

You can transact. Or you can transform.

You can talk status. Or you can support growth.

You don’t need more time, you need more intention.

And maybe the most best place to start... is by rethinking your next 1-1.