How Do You Want Me to Be Today? Rethinking the Supervisor’s Role in Coaching Development

Supervision isn’t about telling—it’s about tailoring. When coaches own the conversation, they own their growth.

One of the first things that often surprises coaches who come to me for supervision is a deceptively simple question I ask early in our relationship:

“How do you want me to be today?”

There’s usually a pause. A puzzled look. And then some version of, “What do you mean?”

It’s not a trick question. But it is a shift in the usual dynamic. So I explain:

I can be a thinking partner, a mirror, a container for your emotional processing. I can be an ethical compass. I can help you notice process, refine your structure, or simply listen. I can wear my mentor hat or my role model hat. But how I show up is up to you.

And that moment, that gentle re-routing of the power dynamic, is often the first aha for many coaches.

Because suddenly, it’s clear: This session isn’t about me. It’s not about what I know. It’s not about what I think they need.

It’s about how they want to shape their own development.

The Co-Creation Mindset in Supervision

The word “supervision” can carry baggage. It may imply oversight, hierarchy, or correction. But within the EMCC framework, supervision is something much more nuanced and generative. It’s a reflective dialogue designed to deepen awareness, support ethical practice, and build the capacity to coach well, especially when the road gets messy or ambiguous.

My job as a supervisor isn’t to evaluate performance. It’s to create a space that invites reflection, awareness, and choice.

But here’s the thing: different coaches need different things at different times. And unless I ask, I might default to my preferences, not theirs.

The Roles We Play (and Don’t Need to Get Stuck In)

I often name the roles up front, not because they’re exhaustive, but to offer options and normalize flexibility:

• Thinking Partner: You’re stuck on a case. Let’s unravel it together

• Mirror: You’re not hearing how often you say, “I should…” Let me play that back

• Ethical Compass: You’re navigating a tricky boundary. Let’s locate your inner compass

• Mentor: You’re unsure how to structure a chemistry call. Want some models?

• Container: You’re emotionally overloaded. Let me hold space, not solve

• Role Model: You’re curious how a more experienced coach might handle this

Each role invites a different kind of energy. And none of them work if they’re imposed rather than invited.

In supervision, choice is part of the work.

Why This Matters: Ownership, Agency, and Flourishing

In coaching, and in supervision, we talk a lot about “creating the container.”

But what if the client shapes the container? What if they decide its depth, its texture, its purpose?

That’s what this question does.

When a coach chooses the kind of supervision they need that day, they’re not just receiving support—they’re rehearsing ownership. That ownership extends beyond the session and into their practice.

Because coaches own their own coaching. And they should own their own supervision too.

How You Can Try This (Whether You’re a Supervisor or Not)

If you’re a coaching supervisor, or a mentor, or even a leader using coach-like skills—try this:

• Ask at the start: How do you want me to be today? Not just “what do you want to talk about,” but rather “how do you want me to show up?”

• Offer a menu of options: Some folks need examples to get thinking. Share a few possible roles you could play. Let them choose—or even suggest a new one.

• Check in partway through: Is this still the right role for you? Do we need to switch? Coaching is emergent. So is supervision.

• Model what you offer: If you say you can be a mirror, then reflect. If you say you can listen, don’t rush to fill the silence.

What if?

What if we stopped assuming what people need from us, and started asking them instead?

What if the most respectful move in supervision is to offer yourself, not impose yourself?

The best coaching supervision isn’t formulaic. It’s fluid. It’s co-created. And it starts with a simple, generous question: “How do you want me to be today?”