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The best things I learned in training: Staying unhooked

Angry disappointed or frustrated people often try to draw you into their drama. they will try to "hook" you dragging you into their emotional state so they have an outlet for that anger / disappointment / frustration. this applies to strangers on the street, customers, spouses, partners, colleagues and acquaintances.. But as most of us know, there is little point to joining in...


So I share with you my top tips to Stay Unhooked

  • Accept other people and events as they are. Remember that the further apart “The Way I See It” is from “The Way You See It” and “The Way It Is,” the more stress is created

  • Assume that behind every behavior is a positive intention. This technique keeps you from assuming a negative motive and prevents you from having expectations that are not met

  • When you need help, ask for it. Don’t expect others to read your mind. Ask for what you want or need

  • You can choose not to react to other people’s feelings. You can actively decide to believe the feelings aren’t directed at you personally, but at some “thing” else. When you speak with these people, it is important to realize that it is their anger and their problem. You might be willing to help them, yet you need not take responsibility for their feelings, only your own

  • Take responsibility for your own feelings and do not blame others for the way you react. You’ll stop saying, “He makes me angry,” and substitute, “I just got angry,” meaning “I decided to be angry — He didn’t cause me to be angry.”

  • Change your expectations for other people and events. You may prefer that an interaction occur a certain way or that a person behave in a certain way. However, they may have different expectations, different mindset

How do you deal with those in the throes of anger / drama?

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