#TTFTMM
- Andrew J Calvert
- Apr 17
- 4 min read
(Travel Tips for the Married Man or Notes from family holidays with a five-year-old and a fifteen-year-old)
I recently came across a series of posts from Twitter dating back to around 2011.
At the time I was the father of five-year-old and fifteen-year-old boys, and along with my wife, we would take holidays together whenever we could. Somewhere along the way I started posting small travel observations and bits of practical wisdom that came from those trips.
Most of them were written in the moment, usually after something had gone right, or spectacularly wrong.
Looking back at them now, they feel like a small collection of family travel lessons: part logistics, part humour, and part the kind of wisdom you only pick up when travelling with the people you love.
These are simply the received lessons from those journeys.
Enjoy.
Logistics (where every trip begins)
Every family holiday begins the same way: optimism, planning, and the belief that this time everything will run smoothly.
Realize that generally the happier the family, the happier you are…
Check your itinerary. No need to get there too early (or too late).
Be clear about what data roaming plan or local SIM you will use BEFORE you leave home (this becomes more important as the kids get increasingly connected...)
Negotiate what time you'll leave for the airport up front so you don't argue while a sense of panic sets in
Pick up lots of tourist literature at the airport.
Print off directions to your hotel from the airport. Include estimated travel times. Exaggerate these if necessary.
When renting a car, print off the reservation. Let her see what kind of car you are renting (explain you cannot specify the colour).
Both of you get a good look at your bags so you know what they look like. Arguing over whether your bag has a black handle or a slightly darker black handle helps nobody.
Let her tie ribbon on each bag if she wants to. Pick your battles.
Recommendations from friends are good, just make sure the person actually did the thing recently.
At this stage of the trip everyone is still calm. This will not last.
The Illusion of Control
Very quickly you discover that travel plans have a personality of their own.
Plan each day's activity in the knowledge that it will likely change many many times
When planning the day's activity include the scenic route in your alternates (note: in some locations there is only the scenic route)
When getting directions from a local, if you are told “you can't miss it”, please realize you are doomed
Beware local delicacies, as all too often they are not
Make sure you have Gaviscon or the such like with you (in case of over indulgence or local delicacies)
The family trip moves quickly from planning to adaptation. Which is another way of saying: you start improvising.
Travelling with Children
This is where the real curriculum begins.
“I'm bored, how much longer and are we there yet?” can often be distracted with bacon sandwiches
Make sure you have distractions for the kids (candies, Nintendo, Prozac etc) for each flight and every road journey
Mini golf is more fun when one of you is the tour photographer and the rest of you are playing for ice cream
Always travel with a pack of balloons. When you arrive at the hotel, inflate one for each child. If one bursts, inflate another. Repeat as required. You can thank me later.
Got a squeamish spouse? Leave them outside when you take the kids to the reptile house
Whale watching is best done early and without small children
Occasionally the children offer their own observations.
“Dad, does this peanut butter have nuts in it?”
Family travel has a rhythm.
Excitement.
Negotiation.
Ice cream.
Repeat.
Staying Married on Holiday
Trips with children are not just about the children. They're also about the two adults who organised the whole expedition.
In wine country decide in advance who drives before lunch and after lunch. Alternate this daily and your marriage will benefit
Choose one thing every day that she likes (this is the most important advice in the whole post)
Identify and programme the local easy listening radio station onto the car radio, and the rock station
Drive more slowly: “That looks nice” from the passenger seat usually means “I would like to stop here please.”
Good holidays are often the result of very small diplomatic victories.
The Small Moments
Every trip also contains moments that don't appear on the itinerary.
Find out what time sunrise is. Wake up a few minutes early, make tea or coffee, rouse your spouse and watch the sunrise together
Some days room service is the right thing to do
These are the moments that feel insignificant at the time. They rarely are.
The Artifacts of Travel
Every trip produces objects and photographs that try to capture the experience. Sometimes the only rule of travel is to stop and look around.
Vacation purchases! Clothes, even books are fine, but glassware can be a real headache to pack
Let your kids take photos of you and your spouse. Heck, just let them take pictures, you'll be surprised
Travel is full of small attempts to hold on to something that is already passing.
Coming Home
Eventually every trip ends.
First night back from holiday? Good food, nice wine, great music (delete as appropriate) to beat the post-vacation blues
Get the holiday photos loaded to the computer, iPad or printed as soon as possible, a great way to beat the post-vacation blues and spend family time together
As a family, rate the best and worst places you visited so someone like you will benefit from your trip
And then, slowly, normal life resumes.
A Final Observation
Realize that generally the happier the family, the happier you are
“A journey is like marriage. The certain way to be wrong is to think you control it.” John Steinbeck
Looking back, these weren't really travel tips.
They were notes from a father trying to keep a family happy while the years moved quickly. And like most family holidays, the logistics faded. What remains are the stories.
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