Discomfort is a teacher, learn to work with, not against it

“There’s No Growth in the Comfort Zone, and No Comfort in the Growth Zone”

Most of us want to grow. Become better leaders. Braver humans. More intuitive coaches.

But here’s the catch: Growth and comfort rarely hold hands.

In fact, they tend to live in different zip codes. And that gap between them? That’s where the magic (and the mess) happens.

Let’s unpack this idea, and more importantly, explore how to support ourselves, and those we lead or coach, when we’re deep in the “growth zone discomfort swamp.”

What’s so wrong with the comfort zone, anyway?

Nothing.

The comfort zone is cozy for a reason. It’s where routines live. Where we’re efficient, competent, often successful. It’s also where innovation goes to nap.

Because if nothing challenges us, we don’t stretch. And if we don’t stretch, we don’t grow.

As psychologist Carol Dweck’s research into growth mindset shows, our beliefs about effort and challenge directly impact our development. If we associate discomfort with danger or failure, we’re less likely to take on the very challenges that help us thrive.

The Growth Zone: Itchy, awkward, necessary

The growth zone is not your comfort zone’s prettier cousin. It’s messier, louder, sometimes downright disorienting. But it’s also where:

• Muscles: mental, emotional, leadership, are built.

• New neural pathways form (thank you, neuroplasticity).

• We figure out who we are beyond what we already know.

Growth doesn’t ask for perfection. It asks for willingness. And that’s the first how-to.

Normalize discomfort—don’t pathologize it

When leaders or coachees feel out of their depth, they often assume they’re failing. In fact, they might just be learning.

What to do as a coach or leader:

• Call it out: “This might feel messy, and that might mean it’s working.”

• Share your own growing pains to normalize the experience.

• Frame discomfort as feedback: “What’s this unease trying to teach you?”

📍Try this coaching question: “If this tension had a message for you, what might it be saying?”

Calibrate the stretch

Too much stretch without support? That’s not growth, it’s trauma. Too little stretch? That’s stagnation.

Find the sweet spot. Psychologists call it the Zone of Proximal Development, the place just beyond current skill, but not so far it’s paralyzing.

For leaders:

• Assign tasks that push people slightly out of their skillset, not off a cliff.

• Celebrate progress, not just polish.

• Model what it looks like to not be the expert.

For coaches:

• Notice when the coachee hits resistance. Don’t always “fix it.” Get curious instead.

• Ask: “What’s just one step beyond what feels doable right now?”

Build recovery into the process

Growth requires energy. And energy needs replenishment.

We don’t build strength by lifting the heaviest weights every day, we build it with alternating cycles of load and recovery.

What leaders can do:

• Schedule breathing space after big projects.

• Encourage reflection and celebration as a team habit.

• Reward learning, not just outcomes.

What coaches can do:

• Invite reflective pauses mid-journey: “What have you learned about yourself so far?”

• Offer permission to rest without guilt.

• Remind clients: recovery isn’t a retreat from growth, it’s part of it.

Reframe failure as feedback

People avoid growth because they’re afraid to look foolish, mess up, or fall short. Fair enough, who wants to be vulnerable?

But growth needs a safe space for falling forward.

Try these reframes:

• From “I failed” to “I’m learning where the edge is.”

• From “This is too hard” to “This is the price of building capacity.”

• From “I can’t do this” to “I can’t do this… yet.”

For leaders and coaches alike:

• Make feedback frequent and safe.

• Reflect out loud when you learn from mistakes.

• Laugh when things go wrong—it helps others breathe.

📍Coaching prompt: “What might this ‘failure’ be preparing you for?”

So, is comfort always bad?

Not at all. Comfort has its place but if you stay there too long, you risk trading your potential for predictability. Comfort is a resting place, not a residence.

Final thoughts:

Growth doesn’t always come with trumpets. Sometimes it arrives as an awkward first try. A confused expression. A moment of silence where you used to jump in.

It can feel like doubt, fear, tension… even boredom.

But in the midst of that mess, something remarkable is happening:

You’re expanding.

You’re becoming more of who you’re meant to be.

You’re trading comfort for capacity.

And that, my friend, is worth the stretch.